Hartley Has My Whole Heart

I never thought about how hard it would be to go back to work once Hartley was born. I've been lucky enough to enjoy two and a half months with her at home and now the thought of leaving her just kills me. I know I may sound spoiled, but I just don't know how any mom can do it. I mean, I know when you have to earn money, you do what you have to do....but the thoughts hitting me now, literally bring me to tears and make my chest hurt. When your mom tells you "you'll never know how much I love you until you have your own baby," she's right. You don't know the love a mother has for her child until she feels that first kick, holds them for the first time and looks into somewhat familiar and angelic eyes.

Hartley has brought me more joy in these past two months than I've ever experienced (other than marrying the love of my life, of course), and I don't want to miss out on any of what's to come. She has grown and changed so much and I cannot wait to see her continue to grow. She has taught me so much, to be a mother, to learn to have more patience, to be happy about the little things, to see beauty in the unnoticed, simple things, to always show love, and to always smile for no reason. Right now I'm just praying for God to provide a way for me to continue to stay at home with her. My biggest dream has always been to be a stay at home mom and it's an amazing feeling to experience it, but a horrible one to have it come to an end. I never thought it would be this hard, but I guess all I can do is pray. I want her to have the best childhood imaginable....to have a mother that's always there. I'll be praying. Thank you to my sweet angel for bringing me so much joy!

-Mommy

Hartley's Here!

Here she is folks! The little bundle of joy that I've already fallen head over heels in love with, is here. Now, I may sound a tad bit crazy in this entry, and I will blame it on the baby blues or post partum whatever you call it. This week has been the most overwhelming, emotional, but amazing week of my life. I never thought that it would actually come or that I would see a little human that Joey and I created together, but she's here...finally....and she's doing fantastic! Hartley is already on somewhat of a schedule, only waking up two times a night! She is the most calm and alert baby I have ever seen. Now, the only way to get on her bad side is to change her clothes or diaper or let her be hungry for a split second....that's all. Well, actually, today Aunt Stephanie did her Newborn photo shoot and Hartley didn't like being moved around and forced to pose much. It was heartbreaking but kind of funny because I ended up having to hold her in a blanket and put it over my face so I wouldn't be in the pictures. lol. We definitely got some adorable ones though and I can't wait to see them!

So as for this huge, life-changing event, the one I have been wanting and waiting for my whole life has finally come and gone....wow. I never thought it possible to love someone so much that you just met, or to feel the power of love between your husband and your baby as a family. I'm not going to lie, it has been tough and I need some prayers so I don't drive Joey off the deep end.....I've been so emotional...crying mostly every day for no reason- no reason at all.....waking up from a nap, having a spoon left out of a place, you name it.....it's ridiculous. At least I'm aware that the way I'm acting is ridiculous. I hate it....this baby blues thing is not fun....I feel extremely overwhelmed with happiness and sadness at the same time. Talk about major hormonal imbalance, and I'm already way too sensitive! Imagine me normal-sensitive times a billion- not cool. Anywho, things are getting easier and Joey is amazing with her, and I mean amazing. I'm almost jealous at how calm and collected he is when handling her and her tears, especially bath time. He just has a way that is so natural and I love it. As the days go by, things seem more normal and I'm freaking out a little less. I guess it's just so hard having all these new thoughts, like "wow....I'm now responsible for caring for someone other than me, 24/7" or "This child is going to rely on me for everything" and "I'm going to have a teenager some day".....the thoughts go on and on. It's quite scary.

Despite the million different feelings, I couldn't be more amazed, or in awe of what God has given to us. Hartley is the most precious baby I have ever laid eyes on and to have her stare at me with wonder is better than anything I have ever felt. It's crazy to feel pain when she feels pain and to worry every five seconds that she's still breathing.....she's already got my whole heart wrapped around her tiny little fingers and it makes the emotions even more intense. She is truly a blessing and there is no way to describe the feeling of becoming a mother until you do. I drove to the bank and Walmart yesterday and bringing her in the store (just me and her) finally let it settle in....it really hit me, I'm a mom. It was an incredible feeling. So, even though things are wonderful and she is healthy and happy, we still need the support and prayers as we adjust to becoming a family. Thank you so much to everyone who has already done so and shown us lots of love during this special time! We are so blessed!

Until next time,

Mom

Awaiting Hartley

I never thought that this day would ever come, nor did I ever think it'd fly by this quickly and I'd soon become a mom. Since I was a little girl, my number one dream and goal in life was to be a stay at home mom, which some of you, if you have read my blog for a while now, may have heard me mention my frustration with the way people react when I tell them that. The most important thing to me in this world is to be the best wife and mother possible, and that's that. I won't go into my whole argument about why I believe being a mom is the most important job there is. I've complained in possibly one of my longest entries ever once before and this one is specifically for Hartley.

Hearing the news that I was pregnant was probably the most exciting, yet scary day of my life. Whether it come at the best or worst financial time, God made it possible there in that moment. I've been driving Joey crazy with my pregnancy ups and downs, psychotic emotions, unnecessary and ridiculous requests for some time now (and by the way, he's been an absolute angel of a husband), and I remember thinking that 40 weeks seemed like it would never come to an end. Wow. I'm in my last week before my due date and I can't even remember where these 9 months have gone. I'd definitely say that it's come faster than I could have ever imagined and that it's been the most magical time of my life.

Waiting for the big moment, that is, popping this little one (that I love more than anything already) out, is quickly approaching but yet I'm still anxiously waiting for the split second I think I'm in labor or that my body is telling me it's time. It's starting to drive me nuts, but in a way, it's quite a thrill. I tried the whole eggplant parmesan inducing idea--didn't work for me. Sad day. I think I've eaten it about 4 times in the last week (including leftovers), but still no Hartley. Despite the fact that I am beyond ready to meet this precious little bundle, I'm still waiting on packages to get here that hold that last touches to her nursery. Wow....the one time in my life that I don't have everything done 6 months, no scratch that-  a year prior to it being necessary or due, I'm actually cutting it close. Oh well. I think now more than ever I've realized that everything works together in time, like our amazing new house that just happened to work out and come into our lives a month or two before my due date. God is so good. I have no other explanation other than the power of prayer is everything. So....my very last appointment with my doctor is in two days. I'll find out how much more progress i've made and whether or not he will induce me this week or on my due date (unless Hartley decides to come on her own). I can't wait!!

I'm going to end this with the poem I wrote in the very beginning of my pregnancy because somehow, writing this entry made me remember when I first felt her move inside me. Anyways, that's all! Pray for me!

<3 SaRaH


A Little Note to My Little Princess:

I feel you...
tiny, precious, innocent one inside me.
I think about you constantly...
wondering if you're okay, if I'm taking good care.
I dream about meeting you...
looking in your eyes, holding your hand, giving you kisses.
I love you...
even though i've never seen your face, or looked in your eyes,
or held your hand, or given you kisses- because,
You are the gift I've waited for my whole life, my little princess.

A Bundle of Blessings: Hartley Giuliana Citti 28.5 Weeks

We had debated and debated and debated on whether or not to do a 3D ultrasound due to the fact it is not covered by insurance. As more and more time passed and I was told I would not receive another ultrasound before Hartley was born, I realized I HAD to experience the 3D/4D ultrasound. So, luckily, I was able to find a place that was open on Saturdays so I wouldn't have to take off anymore work and I quickly made an appointment. I read that I was able to bring 5 guests, which meant my mom, dad, brother Matt, sister Stephanie, and of course my husband Joey, could be a part of it.

When the appointment finally arrived, I was soooo anxious and nervous to see what our daughter looked like and how she would have features that we could actually see, that my poor stomach was in knots. To be able to share the experience with my family was incredible. To see our daughters gorgeous face, with sweet eyes, a nose, ears, precious lips and to experience yawns and smiles was absolutely amazing.

Unfortunately, I didn't have a coke to get Hartley excited and on the move, so I brought chocolate in my purse just in case she wasn't very active. All morning she kicked and punched and tumbled, but by the time she was due to appear on screen, she got a little shy. Hartley kept her hands in front of her face for most of the session and I had to down two squares of chocolate quickly in hopes that she would move them. She even kept her foot up in front of her face too! haha. Silly girl. Well, the chocolate helped a little bit and we were able to get a few shots of her sweet face. I can't stop staring at the pictures and dreaming about her actually being in my arms for the first time and looking at me in the eyes. In less than three months, I'll be holding our sweet little angel.

My 23rd Birthday!

It has been the most exciting and joyful past few weeks, including putting on offer on our first house and shortly after, celebrating my birthday. We found out very quickly that our offer was accepted and now we are just waiting or the contract to be accepted and the bank loan to get approved. We are going crazy with anticipation, especially me. I'm not very good at waiting. I'm not going to lie though, this couldn't come at a better time nor be a better birthday present!

My birthday celebration started over this past weekend and Joey and I did a lot of fun things!  Friday night we used our free pair of movie tickets that a student's parents gave to me for Christmas. I begged Joey to let us see No Strings Attached with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman. It was absolutely hilarious and heartfelt! I loved it!!! Then on Saturday, I met up with one of my closest friends, Becca, at Cafe Intermezzo for brunch. We both enjoyed yummy coffee and Eggs Benedict! YUM!!!! She's already spoiled me with clothes for Hartley, and for my birthday brought me two more of the cutest outfits for her and a Target gift card. I am going crazy collecting Target gift cards since that's where we are registered for Hartley. It was so wonderful catching up and enjoying a nice meal at one of the cutest little cafes!

Once I got back from brunch, Joey and I decided to go to Home Depot to look at a few things for the house, like paint colors, chandeliers and such. It got both of us sooooo excited for everything we will get to do to make our new house, our home. When we were finished browsing, we decided to go to one of our favorite Italian restaurants,  Caprese. MMMM!!! We had Pizza and Pasta and no doubt, they have the best!!! To end the night, Joey prepared my favorite discontinued cake from Olive Garden called Chocolate Lasagna. I had found the recipe online and he spent hours making it. It tastes like chocolate heaven with cherries on top!


On Sunday, we woke up and had a relaxing morning and then headed to celebrate at my parent's house. My mom and dad got me a delicious cookie cake, just as I had requested. hehe. I had also requested my mom cook her Shells and Cheese Casserole, my favorite, which is absolutely delish! It's basically spaghetti but in the form of a lasagna with layers of shells, meat/sauce, sour cream, and cheese. Oh and Joey also added his homemade garlic bread! MMMMMmmMM!! After lunch I opened presents and enjoyed dessert and more time with the family. It was such a wonderful day!!!!

Monday, my actual birthday, was phenomenal. I expected it to be kind of a downer, considering I had to go to work. Boy was I wrong......little did I know I would be surprised with flowers from both my parents and my amazing hubby, Joey. I felt so special! My best friend Sam, from California even sent me flowers too! All of my bosses and coworkers even signed a card and gave me another Target Gift card, which couldn't have made me happier! One of my closest coworkers/friend Nicole, was so sweet and gave me the prettiest wall decoration for our new house, sour gummies, and a bath and body works gift card! WAHOO!!!  To top everything off, my wonderful brother Matt treated Joey and I to our favorite Mexican restaurant, Fuego's, which was absolutely delightful! After we finished dinner I even talked Joey into letting me go spend my gift card at Bath and Body Works. It was one of the most special birthdays I've ever had and I loved how simple and heartfelt it all was. I have the most wonderful family and friends in the world!!!

We Put An Offer In....

It's crazy when you feel like little things start happening and you begin to notice a pattern of what seem to be "God things"...well, this has been one eventful week. I was completely shocked and ecstatic to be told by a close family friend that there was a steal of a deal on a house (that just so happened to have everything on my list) for sale right here in Buford. We immediately fell in love with all of the pictures we saw and ended up going to see this house the next day. And- of course, we fell in love with it in person.

Right now in this tough economy, we didn't expect to be looking at houses for a while, so it seemed so perfect (a little too good to be true) that we would find an opportunity like this that fit our needs. It felt amazing when we found out that we were prequalified from the bank and that we could go ahead and put in an offer on our first house. WHAT?! I still feel like i'm dreaming. With our precious little one on the way, the though couldn't make me happier of having a real home.

Now we wait....praying super hard that they'll accept our offer. Hopefully we will find out today if not by Monday. I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly. We'll see! Here's the gorgeous house:

Getting Anxious...

I cannot believe how fast my pregnancy has flown by. Sometimes I still catch myself saying "wow....I'm really pregnant." This week I will be six months pregnant (24 weeks). I cannot even begin to describe how amazing the whole experience has been. More and more each day, Hartley spends her time kicking her way around inside me and it is unlike anything I've ever felt before. I can feel her turn completely over, upside down, and even kick me as hard as she possibly can and each day her strength grows more and more.

It's crazy how you become so paranoid about the safety and health of your unborn child or maybe it's just me...but, I wonder and worry about how she's doing 24/7. The times that reassure me just so happen to be at 6 a.m. when Joey's alarm clock wakes me up and I know I still have more time to sleep. Hartley however, thinks it's her alarm to wake up to and then begins her morning hour work out. And of course, this makes it almost impossible to go back to sleep. She does seem to have a routine now...or somewhat of one. I just hate freaking out if she's not moving for a long period of time. I can't wait until this period of worrying about her and not being able to see her or do anything to help, will end. I know, I know, as a parent, worrying will never go away, but you know what I mean.

So...as you can tell, I'm getting anxious. I feel this growing need to fill up Hartley's nursery and I am just waiting for that moment when Joey says we can. I am wishing and hoping that I will be able to start on my birthday, but we'll see. I just hate to do things last minute...I always do everything, and I mean everything, wayyyyyyy before I should. I like that about myself, it makes me feel accomplished and organized. I'll also be glad to not have to stare at my registries anymore and actually see those precious items in person that will soon make up her room.

So...I'm sure you'll be seeing me count down, annoyingly, I might add. But, that's just me. As it gets closer to time, I also think more and more about being able to stay at home with her full-time. It breaks my heart thinking that it's so hard in this economy. I want Hartley to have the most amazing childhood like I did- with a mom who was always there. Most of you know that being a stay-at-home mom is my dream. It may not be a dream to many women these days, but I will pray every single day for that to happen. I know it truly is my calling, my purpose, and nothing makes me happier than to dream about it and to hope someday that it will come true.

A Little Note to My Little Princess:

I feel you...
tiny, precious, innocent one inside me.
I think about you constantly...
wondering if you're okay, if I'm taking good care.
I dream about meeting you...
looking in your eyes, holding your hand, giving you kisses.
I love you...
even though i've never seen your face, or looked in your eyes,
or held your hand, or given you kisses- because,
You are the gift I've waited for my whole life, my little princess.