Hartley Has My Whole Heart

I never thought about how hard it would be to go back to work once Hartley was born. I've been lucky enough to enjoy two and a half months with her at home and now the thought of leaving her just kills me. I know I may sound spoiled, but I just don't know how any mom can do it. I mean, I know when you have to earn money, you do what you have to do....but the thoughts hitting me now, literally bring me to tears and make my chest hurt. When your mom tells you "you'll never know how much I love you until you have your own baby," she's right. You don't know the love a mother has for her child until she feels that first kick, holds them for the first time and looks into somewhat familiar and angelic eyes.

Hartley has brought me more joy in these past two months than I've ever experienced (other than marrying the love of my life, of course), and I don't want to miss out on any of what's to come. She has grown and changed so much and I cannot wait to see her continue to grow. She has taught me so much, to be a mother, to learn to have more patience, to be happy about the little things, to see beauty in the unnoticed, simple things, to always show love, and to always smile for no reason. Right now I'm just praying for God to provide a way for me to continue to stay at home with her. My biggest dream has always been to be a stay at home mom and it's an amazing feeling to experience it, but a horrible one to have it come to an end. I never thought it would be this hard, but I guess all I can do is pray. I want her to have the best childhood imaginable....to have a mother that's always there. I'll be praying. Thank you to my sweet angel for bringing me so much joy!

-Mommy